Making Peace with Your Pet Monsters.

What do you do when the monsters show up—not under the bed, but inside your own mind? If you’ve ever tried to sit in silence and found yourself squirming, this one's for you. Read on to learn how facing your inner creatures might just lead you to unexpected grace.

This week, SMC continues for the third week in a row on the theme of obstacles to contemplative/meditative practice. Thanks for reading!

Here There Be Monsters

Some think Jesus and his pal, Mary of Bethany, were the first contemplatives of the Christian tradition. Others give that distinction to Anthony of the Desert. That’s mainly because, like cloistered monks and nuns, praying is what he did all day long. He’s famously known for suffering frightening visions of monsters and demons during his meditations. It’d be easy for anyone in my profession to open up their Diagnostic Statistical Manual to diagnose this Fifth Century spiritual trail blazer. I’d prefer to follow Rafiki’s sage advice to Simba in The Lion King when it comes to Anthony’s frightening, fanciful accounts. “Look Hah-der!” (i.e. Look below the surface).

For example, medieval portraits of Francis of Assisi often show him preaching to animals. Come to find out these paintings were about way more than the saccharine adventures of a Medieval-Snow-White/Dr. Doolittle, prancing nature boy. Scholars now think that those animals he was preaching to were symbols. They were code for the way that Francis courageously spoke truth to power. Animals like jackdaws, crows, and wolves represented various species of the rich and powerful of his time.

Similarly, Anthony’s frightening montage of monsters ought to be seen as symbolism that reveals something deeper—something that can frequently happen in meditation. Namely, if you’re a contemplative practitioner, eventually you’ll come face-to-face with a small, medium, or large-sized monster you’d probably rather avoid! In the face of these normal occurrences, some novices will, unfortunately discontinue their practice, never to return. What follows is a layman’s taxonomy of inner monsters—of the kind Anthony encountered in the desert of his prayer practice. I’m hoping this will encourage you to avoid the avoiding when you inevitably meet one of these beasts in your practice.

Small Monsters

In some instances, it may be a smallish, but nonetheless, tenacious lizard-sized pest. This category includes things like: pesky sexual fantasies, “getting the last word-in” fantasies, or maybe reruns of old embarrassments. Add your own baby monster to complete this list!

A Hack to Tame Small Monsters: This little lizard-sized monster is best dealt with in a two-step process. First, accept it non-judgmentally. Second, treat it as if it were a leaf floating on the river of your imagination. Just let it float by. Don’t cling to it. Don’t fight it. Rinse and repeat if it comes back.

Medium-sized Monsters

At other times, the unconscious part of the psyche might burp up some annoying old resentment that’s so dumb and…SO two decades ago! You may find yourself confronting an image of yourself hardly worthy of the noble specimen you thought yourself to be! This category of Grande-sized monsters includes, “I thought I was past that…” experiences. It may also encompass the aftermath of an, “I can’t believe I did that” moment.

A Hack to Tame Medium-Sized Monsters: Try to love the emergence of this part of the self, the way you’d want to love an awkward fourteen-year-old. A good natured, compassionate laugh comes in handy in these moments. Can you think of a friend who has a knack for making you laugh at yourself? See if you can bring that kind of compassion and humor home.

Large-Sized Monsters

Worse still is when a genuine unhealed wound shows up in the silence. It could be a wound you didn’t know you had. Or it might show up as the sudden realization, that the wound you’ve known about all along, is much more profound than you ever thought! It wouldn’t be surprising to find tears, or a searing anger accompanying the emergence of this sort of creature.

A Hack to Tame Large-ish Monsters: If it feels right, just allow the tears to wash you until they run out. If it feels too overwhelming, open a journal, and write down what just occurred. Be sure to share it with your counselor, spiritual director, or wise friend.

XL Monsters

About a month ago, my meditation was interrupted by the beginnings of a panic attack. Fortunately, experience has taught me what to do with that. QUIT MEDITATING! I’ve learned the hard way, that if you attempt meditation, or contemplation while suffering an episode of anxiety, depression, or PTSD, you may start off in a seated position, but pretty soon, you’ll find yourself in the fetal position on the floor. This is an example of pointless suffering!

A Hack to Tame XL Monsters: If you’re suffering from any of the following, don’t attempt to pursue meditation or contemplation just yet: untreated, or undertreated anxiety, depression, or PTSD. After the skilled care of a mental health professional, by all means, return to your contemplative practice under the guidance of a wise spiritual director or knowledgeable companion.

A Hack for All Practitioners: Don’t Go It Alone

There is no substitute for a knowledgeable spiritual director who understands the terrain of the human heart. Look for someone in the second half of life who knows this territory from the inside out. You’ll want somebody with a sense of humor, who is comfortable with what John O’Donohue calls, “the muddiness” of the human condition. Furthermore, if you don’t genuinely like this person, keep looking.

Dialogue: Use these to dialogue with those in your life or share with Dr. Tom and the Sunday Morning Cafe community in the comments below.

• Can you name one or more inner “monsters” that you’ve encountered in your meditative practice or in your life?

• What helped you to make peace with them?

• C.S. Lewis, in his incisive allegory, The Great Divorce, described how an inner-monster can be transformed into a vehicle for grace. Has that ever happened to you? Can you tell that story to a friend worthy of that depth, or in a journal?