When Snow on the Roof Means Fire in the Belly
- Dr. Tom Wagner
- 5 days ago
- 6 min read
As the years go on, something in you will either settle…or awaken. This reflection explores the choice between comfort and contribution.
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When Snow on the Roof Means Fire in the Belly
In her podcast, Wiser than Me, host Julia Louis-Dreyfus interviews famous women whom she knows to be older, and believes to be wiser than her. As you might imagine, the former, “Elaine” from Seinfeld, and “Selina Meyer,” from Veep, is both funny and salty—and often enough—facilitates a wise exchange. In each episode, she asks her guest, “Do you feel as old as you are?” Uniformly, the likes of Carol Burnett (92), Dianna Nyad (76), and Glenn Close (78), have reported feeling decades younger than their birth certificates would predict. Such an interesting question. “Do I feel my age?” Like Louis-Dreyfus, I’m in the youth of my old age (66), but depending upon the day, my answer to that question is liable to tilt one way, then again, it might just tilt in the other direction.
Last Sunday, one of Charles Dickens’ ghosts from my potential future, visited me in the living room of my mom’s memory care facility. On the way to her room, the communal TV was playing a classic 1990s movie. A sweet, familiar hypnosis kicked in. I noticed my footfalls slowing…slowing…stopping. Like flies to a glue-trap, my eyes got stuck. In a mesmerized voice I thought to myself, “Now, why was I in such a hurry to get to mom’s room anyway?”…and… “It wouldn’t be so bad living in a place like this, would it?” For a sobering moment, I caught a glimpse of a potential future that could come to pass—if I’m not careful. Like my mom’s fellow-seventy, eighty, and ninety-year-old colleagues, I love me some good TV time! Many nights, I’ll nod off to the soporific sounds of Netflix or Amazon Prime. Often enough, I have to ask myself, “What was I watching just before I blacked out last night?”
I’m at a funny age. It’s as if there are two guys vying for control of my inner boardroom. There’s the part of me dressed in gym clothes that notices the deficits caused by two recent hip replacement surgeries that says, “Time to get to work! Time to win back our health!” That part of me feels way younger than 66. However, there’s another part that notices the same deficits, and imagines what a sweet ride a tricked-out La-Z-Boy recliner would be…on a cold winter’s night (or just about any night). Along the same lines, Gym Guy got so excited about the free tickets Lisa scored for a presentation by thought leader, and storyteller, Malcolm Gladwell. When the other guy, Recliner Guy, heard the same news, he started grousing about cold weather parking in downtown Saint Louis, and missing his programs. Like I said, sometimes I feel my age; sometimes I don’t.
Revisiting Last Week’s Article
Last week, I wrote about the experience of going to a church sponsored prayer service down the street from an ICE detention facility. Just before the goings on, the Gym Guy in me observed that I was bobbing in a sea of gray hair. He joked, “With all this gray everywhere, there must be an early bird special going on! Where’s the buffet?” Before that semi-humorous thought was even finished, my inner Recliner Guy retorted, “What do you think you are? You old white hair!” Seeing the obvious truth in this retort, Gym Guy fell silent…which is…not a bad way to enter into a prayer service, after all.
Once I settled in, and the service commenced, the words of three women who serve as pen pals to a score of the 200 detainees, penetrated, first my sarcasm, and then my heart. Ever since, I’ve found myself on something of a pilgrimage. I’ve been discerning what a guy in my age and stage in life might do to thoughtfully and prayerfully respond to this heart-rending situation of dads and husbands being removed from their families and being detained, most often, without due process…under the law.
Navigating a Threshold
Starting with Erik Erikson’s research, developmental psychology has observed that successful passage through midlife is discovered retrospectively. That’s when a sixty-something, seasoned soul will notice an inner movement toward something that Erikson called, “generativity.” I’m not sure Erikson would have used a term like “spirituality” to describe generativity, but I will. When the midlife chapter concludes successfully, “generativity” looks like a desire to encourage and mentor the next generation of younger adults. Generativity expresses itself in a longing to nurture an ever-widening community. In other words, a desire grows to leave the world better for having occupied it.
People who have successfully navigated this threshold might look like my octogenarian friend, Lynn, who tutors low socioeconomic, rural preschoolers. She wants them reading at grade level when first grade starts. It looks like Gordon, a septuagenarian athlete, and track coach, who mentors college athletes like the most loving, but firm, and competent grandpa you ever laid eyes on. It looks like four hundred gray hairs gathered outside an ICE detention center on an ice-cold rural Missouri morning. They gathered around a shared conviction that their pooled, soul-force has the power to pull our culture in a more loving, just, and merciful direction.
When Snow on the Roof Means Fire in the Belly
Rather than following the gravitational pull of their inner Recliner Guy or Gal, these evergreen men and women got out of their rocking chairs, and invested themselves in forming a pop-up beloved community. You recognize that term? It comes from Martin Luther King Jr. King’s term, “The Beloved Community,” describes those who invest their gritty love in shaping a just and merciful society that’s worthy of their children, and grandchildren, as well as a just and merciful culture for the children and grandchildren of those they oppose, and hope to eventually befriend.
Jeremiah, of biblical fame, was interested in forming Israel into a beloved community. The book of Jeremiah begins with the nascent prophet resisting God’s call. He objects on the grounds that he is too young. God isn’t having it. “Say not, ‘I am too young.’ To whom I send you, you will go.” I hear something similar going on in the following passage excerpted from Francis Weller’s book, In the Absence of the Ordinary: Soul Work for Times of Uncertainty. If you are a reader of a certain age, listen for the profound encouragement, as well as the profound challenge. Above all, listen for the words under the words, “Say not, ‘I am too old.’”
The immediate need of our time is for ripened and seasoned adult human beings to take their place in our communities; individuals who carry a deep and abiding fidelity to the living body of this benevolent earth, to beauty, and to their own souls. Traditionally, these were the ones who had successfully crossed a series of initiatory thresholds and had come through as protectors and carriers of the communal soul. They were the ones whose artistry and wisdom kept the current culture alive. We live in a society that has all but abandoned rituals of initiation. Consequently, we are languishing from the absence of mature and robust adults.
Dialogue and Discussion Questions:
Longtime SMC readers know that “the Dialogue” section of this article is set aside for a good conversation over a cup of coffee—with a friend, with a group, or just with yourself! As always, feel free to share your reaction or reflection in the “Comments” section below.
What stood out for you in this article? What resonated for you? What may have caused dissonance for you?
In this quote, Weller described the need for “ripened,” and “seasoned” adults. Our youth-oriented culture frequently mistakes “ripened,” and “seasoned,” for obsolete. Would you be willing to reimagine your advanced years as a necessary condition for thoughtful, prayerful, non-reactive leadership in a culture that is starving for wisdom?
If you happen to be a young adult, or someone in midlife, who are the wisdom figures you look to as examples and mentors? What is it that you find in them? How often do you get together with them?
Regardless of your age or stage in life, how do you feed the root system that nourishes your soul?
What do you think Weller means by “rituals of initiation?” Can you imagine creating these rituals for your friends or family members?
Please share with the SMC community your thoughts and/or reflections in the comments below.
Comments