Back Porch Wisdom from Our First SMC Event
- Dr. Tom Wagner
- Jul 27
- 4 min read
Sometimes the Sacred moves through scripture. Sometimes, through a favorite song playing in the background while the bread bakes. This reflection explores how simple meals and real conversations can become holy ground.
Early bird tickets are now available for our next Sunday Morning Café event on 9/21!
Our first event sold out, and prices go up on August 1st—so grab your tickets today!
Last Sunday, my collaborator, Abby, called me to the front of a transformed, turn-of-the-century warehouse filled with new and old friends. Just like that, my longstanding dream of the very first Sunday Morning Café event took flesh in a pop-up community. As I stood there looking out at a sold-out crowd of adults of all ages, I became aware of a strange feeling of being at home. For a guy who usually carries around a pretty decent-sized backpack of anxiety—especially when I’m trying to facilitate something important—I found myself curiously calm.
When I tracked down its source, it occurred to me that, while I had managed to sell out a room with 100 guests, it felt like we were gathered on my own back porch at home. That’s the place where Lisa and I have been hosting Sunday night dinners for as long as we’ve had kids.
About thirty years ago, I made the discovery that if you put real intelligence and care into the food you serve, people will linger. As they linger, chit-chat has a way of turning into conversation. If you can get them to linger long enough, conversation goes deeper, and becomes communication. At our gatherings, it’s not unusual for somebody to pick up a guitar or ukulele. When the singing commences, the group has a way of falling into community. Frequently, but not always, John Denver’s “Country Roads” serves as a kind of recessional song, drawing the evening to a close. Such a universal human need—to find a “place” where “I belong.”
Lisa and I aren’t from around here. As such, our goal has always been to gather an intentional family of choice around the kids so that their lives could be enriched by a wide circle of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Long before I married Lisa, counseling adolescents was my line of work. During those years, I learned the importance of a child’s contact with cool, trustworthy adults who aren’t their parents. They can get around the “no trespassing” signs that bar moms and dads from certain conversations. Over the years, I’ve looked across a crowded back porch or front room. With a warm heart, I’ve observed this or that child engaging in real communication with an adopted aunt or uncle. One of my proudest moments came when Annalise, my oldest, told us that admissions interviews were “easy” and “kind of fun.” “It was just like having dinner at our house on Sunday nights. They ask the same kinds of questions our friends have asked me over the years.”
The flow of Last Sunday’s SMC pop-up community was familiar to me. Thoughtfully prepared food (by the talented Sylvia McLain). Warm-hearted sharing. And soulful music that lifted us up and drew us together. The incredible singer, songwriter, and speaker, Lynn O’Brien, put a bow on the evening by concluding our night together with a sing-along/sway-along version of “Country Roads.”
Once upon a time, the mission of my choreographed dinners was to surround my kids with a life-sustaining community that could double as a secure base as well as a launch pad. As Sunday Morning Café expands to include a pop-up community, the mission isn’t all that different. Together, we’ll be creating a warm and welcoming back porch where we can break fresh bread and break open fresh meanings. Whether the speaker is yours truly, or a visiting guest, our conversations, just like this blog, will strive to combine solid psychological research and warm-hearted, inclusive spirituality. Music will always accompany our gatherings. I’m delighted to say that the immensely talented Lynn O’Brien has agreed to join us again at our next gathering, September 21!
I didn’t invent this quote, but I am convinced of its truth. “What’s deepest within us is most universal between us.” It seems to me that our culture and our times could use a back porch solid and trustworthy enough to hold a space for those deep-down things.
A Gift for You and Your Family
Would you be willing to choreograph a beautiful meal for your friends or family? The secret to a meal where people linger is to give your best effort to a delicious appetizer and a beautiful dessert that you display when your guests walk through the door. Below is my time-tested recipe for focaccia! This appetizer stops people of every age group in their tracks. It goes great with wine, or lemonade!
Download the focaccia recipe here:
Dialogue and Discussion Questions: Longtime SMC readers know that “the Dialogue” section of this article is set aside for a good conversation over a cup of coffee—with a friend, with a group, or just with yourself! As always, feel free to share your reaction or reflection in the “Comments” section below.
Every home cook holds the keys to community formation in their hands. When you think of the “home chef” in your family of origin, who do you think of? Name one or two signature recipes you remember. Tell the story of the gatherings at which she/he presided.
Can you go back to one or two memorable meals from back in the day, and pull up the memory of it with all your senses? Be sure to share that story in conversation, or just savor that memory if you are alone reflecting.
When have you made a meal that led to people lingering? Remember the aspects of it.
What have you learned that leads to good conversation around a table?
Here's a song that the great singer, songwriter, and speaker, Lynn O’Brien, performed at The Sunday Morning Cafe event on July 20th. It can be found on her album, “Rising.”
Please share with the SMC community your thoughts and/or reflections in the comments below.
A wonderful community experience. I the feeling of “at homeness” was palpable
So happy that you sold out your first venue Tom!! I had no doubt tho...for the people who are blessed to know you knew this would be worth it...