Have You Lost Your Mind? Confessions of a Risk Taker.
- Dr. Tom Wagner
- Jul 6
- 5 min read
Building treehouses, crossing borders, challenging injustice—some of love’s best work happens off the map. This reflection invites you to consider the risks worth taking.
Just Announced: The FIRST-EVER Sunday Morning Café In-Person Event Sunday, July 20
Telva at the Ridge | Webster Groves, MO
Enjoy an afternoon of meaningful conversation, soul-soothing reflection, deep connection & laughter led by Dr. Tom Wagner, masterful resilience facilitator. Light food & drink included. Come as you are. No prep needed.
My daughter is in Cape Town, South Africa for a summer class she’s taking through her university. Before signing off on it, Lisa and I did our due diligence. Everything we could find assured us that her program, and its location, are safe. Lizzie promised to make wise decisions about where she goes and who she goes with in this beautiful, troubled land.
But here’s the thing. Lizzie is the same daughter who, unbeknownst to us, broke into a derelict old turn-of-the-century St. Louis high school (i.e., Cleveland H.S.) with her pal, Audrey. Their clandestine mission? To steal some photos of a classic St. Louis structure. Thanks to my wife’s devious tracking superpowers, their cover was blown, but not before they finished their little caper.
Sometimes it’s a strange thing to be a dad. On the one hand, I had to respect the badass nature of this mission. Frankly, I was a little proud of her! On the other hand, who knows what could have happened if that building was occupied by fellow miscreants who wanted to take more than photos from somebody! Lizzie and Audrey got a stern talking to, and I think I meted out some kind of consequence I’ve long since forgotten. Problem was, Lizzie knows how to read me. She could hear something below my strongly worded sentences. It’s the part of me that totally respects badassery! After all, I’m the same guy who built her a tree house more than a dozen years ago that made her mom say, “Are you insane?”
One afternoon, my carpenter friend, David, was looking up into our tall walnut tree, and noticed the saddle in it that “would be perfect for a tree house!” That saddle was located every bit of eighteen feet off the ground. I immediately brought my carpenter friend, John, in on the scheme. He and David agreed that we could knock it out in a day. Like three little excited boys, we were off to the races at 7 AM. My jobs were to feed, water, and hand tools to my skilled, generous buddies. As dusk descended on our project, John bolted the last step onto the ladder. A job well done! That night, Lisa uttered the iconic words, “Have you lost your mind?” Those words, sometimes with an expletive, sometimes without, have echoed through the mouths of a long list of mothers over the years—including my own mother! Those moms have warily watched their children accompany Lizzie on various Swiss Family Robinson adventures…including sleepovers up in the air!
When I was close to Lizzie’s current age, I joined up with a play scheme program based in and around Belfast, Northern Ireland during The Troubles. Our mission was to get Catholic and Protestant kids to play together at a summer camp. We were thinking that our efforts, over time, would work like Compound W works on a wart. Little-by-little, we thought, childhood relationships across sectarian lines would eventually break down the ugly wart of Northern Ireland’s Catholic/Protestant hatred. When The Good Friday Accords were signed in 1998, I couldn’t help but take at least a little pride in my tiny part in hatred removal.
Just before my Northern Ireland trip, my mom made me promise to make wise decisions about where I went and who I went with in this beautiful, troubled land. Sound familiar? What were the chances that I would follow through on that advice? Of course I didn’t! When we got some time off, my mates and I made a bee-line straight for the Shankill District, home of the worst sectarian violence, and some of the best political graffiti in the world. I have a memory of holding my breath as some anti-Catholic street gang members passed us in a narrow, lonely street.
Now what are the chances that my little, treehouse-loving girl turned woman, will completely avoid risks in the land of Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Nelson Mandela, and Steven Biko? Her passion for social justice was the very thing that propelled her half way around the globe to study in that historic land. When she gets home, I fully expect to hear about something or other I’m glad I didn’t know when she was over there. And…I’ll be scared…and I’ll be proud.
Sometimes parenting presents us with a dilemma. “Do you want to make the road smooth for your children? Or do you want to raise them to be road-worthy?” It’s not a bad question to ponder in relation to your parenting, or self-parenting. To remove all risk from life is to remove everything that makes life worth living.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, that great Twentieth Century theologian, pastor, and martyr, didn’t just write about the risks involved in taking your spirituality seriously. He backed up those words with his life in World War II Germany. According to him, responding to the inner pulse of Unlimited Love, and following its calling has never been, and never will be safe. If my carpenter pals, David and John, were unwilling to take a risk, and work way up in the air, our treehouse dreams never would have come to pass. Like them, Lizzie wants to build something. That something has to do with dismantling unjust structures. That something has to do with building structures that support everyone, with no exceptions.
As you get quiet and listen from that still place inside, what is the Pulsing Presence asking you to risk?
Dialogue and Discussion Questions: Longtime SMC readers know that “the Dialogue” section of this article is set aside for a good conversation over a cup of coffee—with a friend, with a group, or just with yourself! As always, feel free to share your reaction or reflection in the “Comments” section below.
Fun ice-breaker questions for a 4th of July Party: “When you were a kid, what were some of the risky things you did, that either you hope your kids will never hear about, or you hope they will never do?”
Can you think of something your parents did that allowed a little space for risk, bravery, or adventure?
Can you think of a time where you risked something for love?
Can you think of a time that you stepped out of your comfort zone to lend a hand? How did it go?
Are you circling around a sense that something is calling you to step out of your comfort zone in order to do something important? If you were to step out, what kind of support would you need? Spiritually? From a community? From loved ones? Financially?
Save the date! Sunday Morning Café Event: July 20th
For decades, Dr. Tom’s Sunday Morning Café essays have shared reflections and tools to help strengthen your resilience and live with intentional positivity. Now, he’s expanding Sunday Morning Café to include in-person events—meeting today’s growing need for connection. Save your spot for the first-ever SMC event!
Sunday Morning Café Event: What is it?
A gathering of adults of all ages to reflect, reconnect, and laugh a little—guided by Dr. Tom’s blend of therapy, spirituality, and real-life resilience.
What you’ll explore:
Finding joy in the everyday
Building resilience during change
Spiritual practices that ground you
Connection that actually feels meaningful
Date: Sunday, July 20th
Time: 4–6 PM CST
Location: Telva at the Ridge | Webster Groves, MO
Cost: $20 | (virtual or under 25) $10
*NEW* virtual tickets now available for those not located in St. Louis!
Please share with the SMC community your thoughts and/or reflections in the comments below.
At that same age, I had never seen an ocean, and found myself flying over the Atlantic into Belfast during 'The Troubles.' A few days later, a handful of kids about 10-12 years old joined me on a walk thru a public park, pointing out sites with graphic stories of atrocities that occurred to their relatives & neighbors - afflicted on them because they were on the 'wrong side' of the political divide. Later I realized that their parents would never have allowed them to venture there, but the kids felt safe with me knowing I was a volunteer with their best interests at heart. Despite being just 20 at the time, some innate parental instincts arose that destroyed any…
My parents let me fly alone to visit my Godfather, Aunt and cousin in San Francisco when I was in 5th or 6th grade. Godparents have always been important in my family. It was a formative experience. I ended up moving out there at 22 after college, my extended family no longer there so I didn't know a soul. But my parents helped me pack, build a plan and set sail into adulthood... I'm forever grateful! Starting off there gave me a much broader understanding of the world, of people and launched my career in a way no other opportunity could have.