Relationship Repair: The Heart of Resilience
- Dr. Tom Wagner
- Feb 15
- 2 min read
Close relationships will expose parts of you that still need maturing. The question is not whether you’ll fail — but whether you’ll repair. This reflection walks through what a real apology requires.
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Relationship Repair: The Heart of Resilience
This week, I dug out of the archives a video I’m proud of on the topic of relationship repair. I hope you enjoy it — and if there’s a place in your life with a little deferred maintenance, maybe this will help you get a move on. Today, a sold-out venue will be full of SMC participants reflecting on Whole-Hearted Relationships. If, at the last minute, you think you’d like to come, go ahead and see if any spots have opened by using this link. Thanks for reading, listening, watching, and following.
Dialogue and Discussion Questions:
Longtime SMC readers know that “the Dialogue” section of this article is set aside for a good conversation over a cup of coffee—with a friend, with a group, or just with yourself! As always, feel free to share your reaction or reflection in the “Comments” section below.
Did you resonate with anything in that video? Did anything cause dissonance?
“Stronger in the broken places” refers to how a bone heals after a break. Have you ever been in a relationship where that happened? Tell the story of it, either with your dialogue partner, or in a journal. See if you can outline what allowed that to happen.
In this video, I refer to situations where the hurt is bad enough that a simple, “I’m sorry,” is not enough. I use the term “making amends” to describe an act of repair that involves some meaningful level of self-sacrifice. On the less dramatic side, it might look like making an all-day dessert for my daughter as a symbol of my commitment to soften and sweeten my temper in the future. In cases of real trust-busting with a spouse, it may mean psychotherapy or spiritual direction. Is there a hurt in a relationship that’s deep enough that it requires an amends like that?
Step Nine of the Twelve Step Program that undergirds AA requires “expressing heartfelt sorrow for harming someone, unless to do so would cause harm.” Is there an old wound in your marriage, or some other relationship that still needs healing? Is there a professional or wise person you know with whom you could discuss the nuances of this situation?
Is there anything for which you still need to forgive yourself? Would you know how to go about doing that? What do you think has gotten in the way of your doing that?
Please share with the SMC community your thoughts and/or reflections in the comments below.
Comments