Why You Do NOT Have to Marry the Wrong Person
- Dr. Tom Wagner
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
(and How to Marry the Right One)
Your choice of spouse is the most important decision you will ever make. Here is a set of procedures, based on common-sense research, to choose a spouse wisely.
The blog article follows this invitation!
February SMC Event: Whole-Hearted Relationships
Sunday, February 15
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Why You Do NOT Have to Marry the Wrong Person
(and How to Marry the Right One)
In just two weeks (February 15, 4-6 pm), we will be gathering for our next Sunday Morning Café event at Schoerer Commons at Eden Seminary in Webster Groves, St. Louis. This is a place we're going to want to come back to. It’s made of old-timey stone and wood, just like the Hogwarts dining room—complete with a huge wood-burning fireplace. In keeping with the Valentine’s Day theme of that weekend, we’ll be reflecting upon finding, maintaining, and developing love over a lifetime. Couples and singles are welcome! The amazing Lynn O’Brien will be joining us for one of her last St. Louis events before she takes her talents to the West Coast. My doctorate is in marriage and family therapy, so I can’t wait to draw from my decades of on-the-job training as a therapist and a husband, as we share a late afternoon of insight, laughs, and amazing musical poetry! By the way, our event will end in plenty of time to finish up your night out, over dinner at any one of many restaurants within walking distance in Webster, including the brand-new Kilwins Michigan-style ice creamery and fudgery (think Mackinac Island)! Join us! There are a few more tickets left—get yours here.
You’ll notice something different about this week’s article. Namely, IT’S NOT AN ARTICLE; IT’S A VIDEO! You’ll find it just below this paragraph. I dug it out of the archives because it nicely addresses many of the key issues that come with finding and selecting a mate, as well as growing a committed relationship. This is one of my favorites. I’m hoping that the last several weeks of articles and videos on committed love will wet the whistle for a lively discussion together on the 15th of Feb. Even if you don’t attend in person, the podcast episode will be available to everyone. Thanks for reading. Thanks for watching. All of us at SMC appreciate you!
Dialogue and Discussion Questions:
Longtime SMC readers know that “the Dialogue” section of this article is set aside for a good conversation over a cup of coffee—with a friend, with a group, or just with yourself! As always, feel free to share your reaction or reflection in the “Comments” section below.
What stood out for you in this video? What did it connect with in your life, past or present? What points were missing from it, that you feel could be added to make it better resonate with your experience?
In your life, who wins the prize for the worst couple you have ever known? Rather than talk about a class of marriages or couples, actually reflect on real people you have known. Name the habits and qualities of this relationship that qualify them for this prize. What have you learned from them?
Conversely, in your life, who wins the prize for being the happiest, down-to-earth couple that you have known? Again, actually reflect upon real people. What are the qualities, habits, and characteristics that make this marriage so special, as far as you can tell? What have you learned from them?
The video you just watched describes the experience of disillusionment, when a seasoned relationship begins to reveal its warts and vulnerabilities. Has this ever happened to you in a friendship or marriage? Can you share that story with your dialogue partner(s)? What good came of that experience? How did you and your friend, spouse, or sweetheart deal with that?
Whether by circumstance, or choice, who do you know who is single and happy in that state? From your vantage point, can you see how that person thrives in their way of life? What have you learned from them and the way they live their life?
Respond to this statement. “Regardless of being single or married, one of the keys to being fully human, and fully alive, is the ability to accept and live with loneliness.” Speak from your experience of loneliness.
Please share with the SMC community your thoughts and/or reflections in the comments below.